Fuck up your sleeping schedule with me so i know it’s real.
those cashiers that let you buy things when you’re missing a few cents deserve to live forever
i’m terrified of sounding mean on the internet so i always add too many exclamation marks and smiley faces but i think it makes me sound like a primary school teacher
there’s literally no point in teaching girls to be body positive if you only use men’s opinions for validation like “boys like girls with curves” nah get that the fuck out of here
i did my laundry angry and i accidentally mixed in white socks in the color load without knowing and now my white socks are orange. this is gr8
my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
when people bring up your past
repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014
me at 13: “i’m really mature for my age though”
me at 20: i was a fucking idiot
also me at 20: i’m still a fucking idiot
calling a man a “pig” is literally dehumanising how do some people not think there’s anything wrong with that how
Because chicks, fillies, birds and bitches never get dehumanised. Those vixens always get away with this kind of shit. Especially the heifers, they’re the worst. What cows.